An essential part of awakening is the recognition of the unawakened you, the ego as it thinks, speaks, and acts, as well as the recognition of the collectively conditioned mental processes that perpetuate the unawakened state.
I posted earlier on week 1 knowing that I was not going to be able to post on Saturday night or Sunday due to a spiritual function we usually help host.
All went well so I can add that week 1 ended on a spiritual high that I desperately needed.
Week 2 began on Sunday which found me completely wasted from working like a plough-animal both in the kitchen while dishing out and serving up to 1000 people and then cleaning up the hall afterwards – which entailed getting down on hands and knees to clear up the mess left behind… upsetting to think that people could disregard food in that manner and waste as much as they do but that’s a rant for another time or maybe never… Yes I’m much more tolerant this year – I didn’t even lose my temper over the weekend – which I normally do – and I actually had reason to this time! I’m proud of me!
I rode the crest of that wave until it crashed me to the ground in the middle of the week. I’m still a bit flabbergasted at the turn of events from something so positive to literally having an open door slammed shut on my face!
I have to admit that I did not deal with it well internally. The tempest rose and tumultuous waves of anger, pain, disappointment and self-doubt beat at me and had me curled up in the foetal position for hours. It took hours of internal argument to rise up and accept that I have no control in the situation so I should look forward and sail on. Fear lingers though and when coupled with doubt, it is debilitating. I do constantly remember a friend once telling me that the opposite of fear is Faith/God. Meaning to have no fear is to trust entirely in God.
I DO trust in the Almighty especially when I am fearful of my future. So keeping those two concepts as polar opposites can’t be right – yet somewhere in my mind I know it’s right.
I’m human, fallible and my thoughts and feelings can’t always be perfect. I know the Almighty sees that – He made me after-all. My faith doesn’t waver – I know that without difficulty, life isn’t savoured as completely. I’ve lived that my whole life! It’d be nice to be cut some slack every now and again though.
Despite receiving a crushing blow this week, there’s still a silver lining… Iya is back from a long vacation in Australia and all us girls are back where we belong!
The weekend was brilliant with a family wedding bringing perspective back to life! Great company and lots of laughter is the cure for any melancholy!
Here’s hoping your week 3 is a wonderful one!
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